From Me
by Aki Kaede
Summary: [Oneshot] Things can go back to how it was, can they? Will you ever look at me that way again Cagalli? AsuCaga Written in Athrun's PoV


Author's notes: Here's a somehow...er...can be considered AC fic!

This has got to be one of my longest oneshots ever! Wow...

Anyway, this fic is written in Athrun's PoV. This is first time trying it out so please bear with me! Athrun may be OOC and a bit crappy in this fic. AsI told you, it's my first time writing in his PoV so... Please bear with the crappiness!

Thanks to all my reviewers! You give this tired author who is on the computer every night to try and type something some solace!

Please enjoy this fic and review!

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**From Me**

I never knew. I never knew…

The war, it was cruel. Thousands of innocent lives were lost. Part of the responsibility: mine. I returned to ZAFT and fought against my comrades: Kira, the Archangel, Orb, but most importantly Cagalli.

I wonder what I was thinking when I returned to ZAFT. Got some brainwashing? Why did I even try to hide the fact that Meer wasn't the real Lacus when I knew the whole truth? Why did I even trust Chairman Durrindal? Why didn't I trust Kira and Cagalli? Why did I even try to fight against them?

I defected from ZAFT again, back to the Archangel, back to where Cagalli was. I did that, together with Meyrin. I should have known, I hurt her that very instant. Also, my connections with Meer… I really wanted to be close to her once more, to share the relationship we once shared. However, things were just, not the same anymore. At least at that time, she was still wearing the ring I gave her. It was my way of telling her: _"Wait for me." _

I admit, I was jealous of Yuuna. Extremely jealous in fact. I hated their engagement. I did not like it a single bit when he showed his affections for her even when she tried to push him away. Then came the wedding. I felt as if suddenly the entire world had fallen upon me. Cagalli getting married to Yuuna? That was something I would never agree to, for as long as I am living. Part of me was relieved when I heard the Freedom had snatched Cagalli from her so-called wedding. The other part of me… I believe that was the reason for my 'irrational' behaviour in the second war. I knew I never got over the fact Cagalli was almost married to Yuuna and that the Orb forces decided to join the EAF against ZAFT. The death of Heine probably clouded my vision too… And there's Shinn…

I thought we could be back together. I believed we could be back together. However, I felt she was drifting further and further away from me. Perhaps because of Meyrin? Or Meer? Or is it, because of us? I assumed she would always be there for me no matter what, that is, until the day I saw her empty ring finger. Cagalli was not wearing my ring anymore. The feeling was worse than that of when I heard about the wedding. It felt as if my heart had been pierced by a thousand swords. That means, she was not going to wait for me anymore? She was giving up on me? I wanted to know the answer, but at the moment of time, such a question was not suitable. _"As long as our dreams are the same." _Who am I trying to kid?

Salvaging our relationship was the first thing on my mind after the war ended. However I couldn't find the chance to. One reason was because Cagalli had lots of matters to handle after the end of the bloody conflict. The second was because, I was still trying to regain my confidence to see her again. Kira and Lacus didn't give me much advice on this matter, just a few simple words. I think it's because they believe this problem can only be solved between the two of us. I have to agree with them on this, although I felt Kira wasn't really willing to say much. I don't blame him; after all, the person I hurt was his twin sister, no less.

Cagalli finally asked to meet me one day. I was so happy and excited! At the same time, I was worried of what to say to her. What if my words do not come out right? What if I said the wrong things? What is she gets angry? I also hoped that she would put my ring back on. But no matter if she did not. As long as she is willing to stay by my side, wearing the ring or not did not matter.

My heart pounded faster and faster as I neared our meeting place. She had chosen a place outdoors, the very place where I returned Torii to Kira. I was nervous, but the years in the military paid off. My expression remained stoic and no one could tell what I was feeling inside. There she was! She was as beautiful as ever. The sunlight shone on her, illuminating her stunning amber eyes and blonde hair. However, I noticed she had thinned. She had become so thin, probably due to the stress? Those arms which were full of power were now small and bony. I wondered if she got any proper food and rest at all.

Slowly, I walked towards her.

"Cagalli." I greeted.

"Hey Athrun." she replied. It was kind of sad, kind of cold and distant, her tone of voice.

"Cagalli…" I started.

"Do you remember this place?" she cut me off.

"Huh? Mmm…" I answered while looking at her. What did she want to say?

"That was a long time ago isn't it? When you and Kira were not on the same side?" she said.

What was she really trying to say? Then I remembered Nicol. "Yes, that was all in the past…" I replied with a tinge of sadness in my voice.

"Some things become beautiful memories, some don't. We wish we had nice memories all the time, but it's just impossible." Cagalli said as she gazed towards the sky which not so long ago was a battlefield.

"However, it is possible to make beautiful memories now right? Now that the war is over." I gave her a smile. She smiled a small smile back.

"Some things are destined to become memories, others aren't." she commented softly. "A beautiful memory; that may be the best…"

I glanced at Cagalli and slowly turned my attention to her hands. She still did not have my ring on her ring finger. A pang of hurt hit me but I was determined not to let it stay. I wanted Cagalli back in my life. I wanted her to stay forever.

"Cagalli…" I tried to say.

"Athrun." she cut me off again. This time, she did not continue. Instead she reached for something in her pocket. I watched her curiously. She took something out from her pocket into her palm. Then she reached her closed palm out and deposited something in my hand. It was something hard, something cold, perhaps metallic, and it was circular in shape with protrusions in some places. I opened my palm to find the ring I gave her there.

My eyes grew wide in surprise. "Cagalli, why?" I asked.

She merely smiled. "Let this be a memory Athrun; a beautiful memory. We should not carry on from here and hurt each other in the process. Let all this…become a memory…"

The way she said it, it was too fluent, too perfect. A sharp pain throbbed at my heart.

"Cagalli! Why?" I demanded.

"Let's just be friends. That is enough for me, that's all I ask…"

She was still smiling. I wondered when she had perfected the art of smiling not from her heart. I could see that smile was not genuine.

"I don't want to!" I burst out, not being able to keep my feelings in any longer. "Please Cagalli, I know I was wrong! Please give me a chance…" I pleaded.

"Athrun." she said calmly. "You have your own life while I have mine. We are…two vastly different individuals. It would not work out for us. Wasn't this proved already? So please Athrun, just, let go."

I couldn't believe how she could have said that so easily. I reached out for her arm, pulling her towards me.

"Cagalli please!" I pleaded. "I'm never letting you go! I know I was stupid, but didn't you say I was stupid already? Give me one more chance Cagalli!"

"Athrun!" Cagalli raised her voice. "That's enough! You have Meyrin and I have Orb. We won't be missing a thing without each other! Let this be the end!"

"So it's about Meyrin? I treat her just like a sister, nothing else!" I said hastily. "Cagalli, the only one I love is you! I will love no other but you!" With that, I pulled her into my embrace.

"Athrun! What are you…" she struggled and kicked in my embrace but I was determined not to let her go. I was afraid the very moment I let go, she would be gone from me, forever…

She stopped struggling. I was glad and hugged her tighter. To my delight, she returned my embrace. It was as if the heavens were descending on me again.

"Athrun…" she let out as she pushed herself gently away. My hands were still stubbornly fixed on her. Slowly she raised her lips to mine and kissed me.

It took me completely by surprise but I kissed her back. I was feeling happy she wanted to be mine again, or so I thought.

We slowly broke the kiss and I gazed at her lovingly. As I raised a hand to stroke her face, she pulled away from me.

"Let this stay in our memories forever." She gave me a sad smile and ran away. I stood there stupidly, dazed. I was a while before I finally realised what she was trying to tell me.

_A parting kiss…_

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After that I tried to find her. But no matter what I did, Cagalli would always be busy with some thing or other. I was no use asking Kira either; he did not say a single thing. Lacus also did not say much to me, except look at me sadly. Was that pity on her features?

I stared at the ring in my palm. The stone on it was still shining brilliantly. It seemed to be totally oblivious that its female owner did not want it anymore. Staring at the ring, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. The pain, it hurt me so hard. Something salty was forming in my eyes and I did not bother to stop it. You will never look at me that way again Cagalli?

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I tried to get on with my life. However there seemed to be something, missing. I tried to smile, but I knew deep down those smiles were not from my heart. They were forced; forced so I could trick myself that everything was ok. I tried to cajole myself to sleep every night, but none of them passed without a thought of her. My heart, if it was still there, was empty. I believe it wasn't there anymore; it had deserted me the moment Cagalli broke up with me.

The only way I could see Cagalli was through the television. She seemed to be purposely avoiding me. In fact, she is. Something within me hurt whenever I saw her on the news or her picture which I carried everywhere with me. It was a picture we had taken together. She was smiling so brightly, so was I. A small smile graced my features as I reminisced the past. All these becoming memories, she said. She told me to let go. Am I able to?

As I stared at the picture, I came to a realisation. The painful truth. My heart had indeed been shattered, the pieces within me, searching for solace. It hurt so bad, because I knew all of the pieces of my heart still belonged to Cagalli. They did not want and could not accept someone else. Even as they lie in pieces, broken, they only wanted her, no one else. Only she could make me complete again.

People say if you love somebody, sometimes you have to let them go. Your happiness stems from their happiness. As long as they are happy, that's a job well done for you. You do not need to have her to love her. That's the truest love. I believe I would say that if someone asked me that question. I was brought up to say the right things. I would have gladly placed my faith in it; if only I was not in love. Those great ideas…it's totally a different when you're in it. Others say love is selfish. But man _is _selfish, Coordinators and Naturals alike. Even the fantastic genetic manipulation we Coordinators possess is not able to change human nature. Man was made to love and since selfishness is embedded in human nature, it would be impossible to say that love isn't selfish. I want Cagalli to be in my arms once more, and I'm willing to do anything just for her to be back in my life. I want her so I can be happy? It may be true. But I know without her, there would be no reason in living anymore. She is the very meaning of my existence.

I love you Cagalli. I never knew. I never knew… I never knew I loved you this much…

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Author's notes: How did you guys find it? Crappy? Well, personally I think all of _that _really runs through Athrun's head. He thinks and thinks but does not say anything... Well, please read and review this fic! Thanks!


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